Erin (La Cidiana)
25 January 2010 @ 03:32 am
Aaaaahhhhh shit shit shit I've been a total spacecase dumbass and now my gas and electric bills are overdue. Plus I have like. Negative money in my bank account (gj not canceling that extra account, dude) since as much as I try to tell my parents to give me an allowance that I can learn to budget, they just want me to use my credit cards??? HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE???

Anyway gotta deposit a check and get on that because those overdue letters are scary and isuayfashglak I feel like I've lately been worse than usual with like... idk, keeping track of shit. I mean just look at how I haven't even replied to comments in my last few entries, and how I haven't been checking my flist at all, and how I didn't start replying to Plot Post stuff until today even though I got Sylar in first... I just... I don't know. My doctor mentioned trying me out on some real ADD medication on top of the antidepressants, and as much as I hate blaming my failures on a lack of overmedication, I think that might be a good idea at this point, since I am... so incompetent with everything in my life. Ugh. I mean, it takes me like 2 hours or more to do a Sylar post when I'm not even distracting myself aside from answering a couple of Damned questions. How does... I don't even know. ;________; I don't want to screw myself over at this point in my life, man.

hfkashdfados;foew;as so yeah, anyway... sorry to people whose comments I haven't replied to in my last few entries. ._. I don't mean to be a neglectful douche – it just kind of... happens.

In other news, I have rediscovered my great and undying love for Liquid Snake. .....Oh right, and I started college at a four-year university THIS IS KIND OF IMPORTANT, ISN'T IT. My schedule was all kinds of fucked up, so that was pretty stressful to figure out, and now I'm gonna try to crash a class tomorrow so I don't have to take the equivalent at 9AM on Thursday and then not get off campus until my last class ends at 10PM 8( BUT IF I HAVE TO, IT WILL BE SO. it was kind of hilarious because of course I ended up having to do all this running around IN THE POURING RAIN THAT SOCAL HAS BEEN GETTING

But yeah, just... I know I've said it a 378983742 times before, but it's such a downer how I feel like I have such a hard time doing like a quarter of the shit that other people do. It's like I get super anxious about the simplest shit and eiwykashlsg

I guess on the subject of good news, I've been making active tactical strikes against my chronic nail-biting/general finger mutilation habit and actually having a bit of success, so... that's good, at least. :>

Also, thanks to a combination of [livejournal.com profile] demyx's journaling and [livejournal.com profile] continuum's chatting, whenever I listen to this song all I can picture is Zachary Quinto writhing around in goth glam with Rolo, Rick Rape!Milo, and Conan the Barbarian!Jared as backup dancers.

....Liquid can be that random-ass snake or something idk
 
 
mood: frustrated
music: Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
04 May 2009 @ 03:21 am
I... really should sleep, but I suddenly became curious about all these documents I'd opened and jotted down haphazard dream notes into that were scattered throughout my computer. I ended up collecting them all into one document and.... jesus christ MY SUBCONSCIOUS IS SO FUCKING FIXATED ON FANDOM AGKADKA

Some dreams not included here I actually did post about right as I had them, but anyway. Some of these I like... don't even remember skjhfkasd. All of these were written RIGHT as I woke up, which is why there's no punctuation or coherency to speak of.

Also, my subconscious gave me like ten million (no seriously, like, seven in one month) Nathan dreams back before I even declared him my favorite character in the show. Clearly, it knows me better than I do. :(

...Rereading these, I am JUST A LITTLE BIT CREEPED OUT THAT A WEIRDO THING IN ONE OF THESE DREAMS ENDED UP PRETTY DAMN PROPHETIC IN THE CONTEXT OF THE SERIES HOLY CRAP.

Dream Notes. )

I remember in that last dream, I kept on trying to CALL COURT AND TELL HER OMG OMG I MET MILOOOOOOO but I kept on getting DISTRACTED and then I woke up and was like OMG OMG I HAVE TO TELL HER I.... had a dream where I met Milo. God dammit.

...Also, now that I'm looking at these dreams, THERE IS A SERIOUS TREND OF DISNEY MOVIES IN THERE. What.

Anyway, where the hell did my weekend goooo? ;; I was supposed to get shit done and then all of a sudden... it was over. What the hell. I think I'm going to try to get out of the house to do my work next weekend; otherwise I just... lose track of time ugh.

Also, I just realized I'm out of my meds. T_T WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN ON SUNDAYS and leaves me med-less on Mondays, my busiest day ugh. Now I need to somehow... okay, good, they can refill it without any doctor shenanigans ahfkas PHEW BECAUSE THIS WEEK I NEED 'EM

Now I need to make sure I get up at 8 and I've already wasted half my night jhsfdka WHATEVER at least it'll cause me to fall asleep early tomorrow.

....I really hope I can get myself to do my Anthro reading in time for my final ugh. jfkfsasadg

and apps apps apps APPS ;_;

...Also, about a quarter of the time I try to type "heroes" into my icon finder, it comes out as "herpes." COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.
 
 
music: Lights Out Asia - Psiu! Puxa!
mood: anxious
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
29 April 2009 @ 11:05 pm
Bahhhh I feel unproductive even when I am being productive.

I'm trying to get up really early so I can talk to Court in the morning (get up super early instead of staying up super late) and also because I'm way better at being on time to class when I wake up way ahead of schedule. The downside to this is, of course, that I can't stay up as late and if I don't properly manage my time, I feel like I've wasted a whole day.

Still, today, I woke up after only like 2 1/2 hours of sleep, did my Creative Writing assignment no sweat, talked to Court, got showered, got dressed, was able to get to class on time by taking the bus (GASP), went to my classes, wrote out some more of sweet, merciful Heroes headcanon oh nathan's lord in heaven a previously abandoned Peter/Adam DarkFuture fic (that I might actually be able to post publicly if I ever finish it, yay!) during said useless Creative Writing class (my prof spent like five minutes singing. I am not joking) and then spent time in my new haven of the SMC library and updated my Schoolhouse scheduling program and worked out my new schedule for catch-up reading and did some of that reading, which I'd been putting off, and once I have a foot in the door, it's much easier for me to complete a task than it is to get up and start it, so... that's good!

So all in all, I feel like I've been productive, but then I think back to apps and how I really need to get my ass in gear on reading them and how we're making people wait so long, and I also think how I was in the library for like four and a half hours and I should have been able to get more done, and just how I have such a horrible sense for time and time management and.... I don't know, I just feel like it takes me so much more time to do things than it should. ;; Even when I'm not actively procrastinating or anything! And then I get home and it's time to sleep again if I want to get up early. Auggghh. Which is what I need to do now. This also all might have to do with my issues with getting to my damn Anthro class on time or even getting to it at all and I hope I can pull a B from the class, at least, and it's ironic since the prof is great and a hilarious lecturer, but... augh, long story, but anyway, I seem to be fixing those problems now. ::Crosses fingers.::

So on one hand, I don't feel down in the dumps or anything like that and I think I'm heading in the right direction for my internal clock's sake, but on the other, I do feel kind of... I dunno, I don't think there's a word for it, but it's like very understated but chronic dissatisfaction and guilt over myself in general, I guess. Even though I do feel like I'm heading in a very positive direction? Idk.

I'll say "indescribable," because then I get to use a shiny new Nathan mood icon. Yeah. >>;;;;;

..................speaking of which.............................. .................NO ERIN YOU ARE NOT GOING INTO THAT RIGHT NOW ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THEN YOU NEED TO QUALIFY WHAT YOU DO AND DO NOT KNOW AND WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE CATCHING UP WITH THIS FUCKING PERSONAL HELL ON EARTH AND GODDAMMIT YOU'RE STARTING ALREADY. ERIN. STOP. NOW. NEED TO GET INTO BED. GET INTO BED. ERIN.

And for once, I listen.

Oh, also, I'm on a huge E.S. Posthumus kick right now. [livejournal.com profile] tinted_glass is so my music soulmate. <33333
 
 
mood: indescribable
music: E.S. Posthumus - Selisona Pi
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
09 April 2009 @ 06:55 am
[20:32] tringhamrussell: I think Ed should know . . . so that he can grow more and more bitter
[20:32] Scars of Ishbal: Yeah but then how is it he never kills Pride?
[20:32] tringhamrussell: but maybe somehow he was working under Pride . . hating him but needing him all the same
[20:33] tringhamrussell: maybe Pride was giving him something
[20:33] Scars of Ishbal: ....lol THAT ALL SOUNDS SO WRONG
[20:33] tringhamrussell: HAHAHAHA
[20:33] tringhamrussell: ERIN
[20:33] Scars of Ishbal: shdakjdhflksdjhglaksj

---

Midterm tomorrow. D: HOPING NOT TO DIE.

Also I keep on meaning to RP post and then just... lose track of time and fail and shfkasfjak at least I am reading apps. SLOWLY. Seriously why does time always slip aaaawaaaaaaaayyyyyyy ;_____; I feel like it's been especially bad lately wtf.

Edit: Oh, also.



ilu2, nathan ♥
 
 
mood: tired