Erin (La Cidiana)
29 April 2009 @ 11:05 pm
Bahhhh I feel unproductive even when I am being productive.

I'm trying to get up really early so I can talk to Court in the morning (get up super early instead of staying up super late) and also because I'm way better at being on time to class when I wake up way ahead of schedule. The downside to this is, of course, that I can't stay up as late and if I don't properly manage my time, I feel like I've wasted a whole day.

Still, today, I woke up after only like 2 1/2 hours of sleep, did my Creative Writing assignment no sweat, talked to Court, got showered, got dressed, was able to get to class on time by taking the bus (GASP), went to my classes, wrote out some more of sweet, merciful Heroes headcanon oh nathan's lord in heaven a previously abandoned Peter/Adam DarkFuture fic (that I might actually be able to post publicly if I ever finish it, yay!) during said useless Creative Writing class (my prof spent like five minutes singing. I am not joking) and then spent time in my new haven of the SMC library and updated my Schoolhouse scheduling program and worked out my new schedule for catch-up reading and did some of that reading, which I'd been putting off, and once I have a foot in the door, it's much easier for me to complete a task than it is to get up and start it, so... that's good!

So all in all, I feel like I've been productive, but then I think back to apps and how I really need to get my ass in gear on reading them and how we're making people wait so long, and I also think how I was in the library for like four and a half hours and I should have been able to get more done, and just how I have such a horrible sense for time and time management and.... I don't know, I just feel like it takes me so much more time to do things than it should. ;; Even when I'm not actively procrastinating or anything! And then I get home and it's time to sleep again if I want to get up early. Auggghh. Which is what I need to do now. This also all might have to do with my issues with getting to my damn Anthro class on time or even getting to it at all and I hope I can pull a B from the class, at least, and it's ironic since the prof is great and a hilarious lecturer, but... augh, long story, but anyway, I seem to be fixing those problems now. ::Crosses fingers.::

So on one hand, I don't feel down in the dumps or anything like that and I think I'm heading in the right direction for my internal clock's sake, but on the other, I do feel kind of... I dunno, I don't think there's a word for it, but it's like very understated but chronic dissatisfaction and guilt over myself in general, I guess. Even though I do feel like I'm heading in a very positive direction? Idk.

I'll say "indescribable," because then I get to use a shiny new Nathan mood icon. Yeah. >>;;;;;

..................speaking of which.............................. .................NO ERIN YOU ARE NOT GOING INTO THAT RIGHT NOW ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THEN YOU NEED TO QUALIFY WHAT YOU DO AND DO NOT KNOW AND WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE CATCHING UP WITH THIS FUCKING PERSONAL HELL ON EARTH AND GODDAMMIT YOU'RE STARTING ALREADY. ERIN. STOP. NOW. NEED TO GET INTO BED. GET INTO BED. ERIN.

And for once, I listen.

Oh, also, I'm on a huge E.S. Posthumus kick right now. [livejournal.com profile] tinted_glass is so my music soulmate. <33333
 
 
mood: indescribable
music: E.S. Posthumus - Selisona Pi
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
05 October 2008 @ 08:26 am
Okay. I only have scope, psychological effects, and Batman third-person sample left to do. Okay. ;; I have later today (once I sleep) and the day after, right? I CAN DO THIS. (I'm totally waking up "early" today to get in extra hours on this. >_>)

IN OTHER NEWS, my birthday this year was awesome and touched me deeply simply for the fact that my friends and family showed me, through little things, just how much they knew me and wanted to make me feel special. My friends apparently conspired together and succeeded at surprising me with exactly what I wanted (aka APOLLO JUSTICE and SUNNY SEASON 3 WOOO), and for my 21st, my dad got a bottle of champagne ahahaha. 8D I really don't like the taste of alcohol, but I had about a quarter of a glass for the sake of the occasion. Because yes. 21.

And seriously, even though I didn't go out and do anything out of the ordinary, I didn't need to. My parents being sweet and my buds being there to hang out with me and surprise me with Batman PEZ dispensers and Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough is all I need in my old age.

We ordered pizza, ate cake, and watched Beauty and the Beast and Iron Man. It was amazing. <3
 
 
music: Josh Groban - Oceano
mood: happy
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
23 February 2008 @ 04:03 pm
Blow-out fight with my mom whose details you don't want to hear about. )

Wonderful aftermath you do want to hear about:

About halfway to the mall, I decided to sit down on the sidewalk and untense a little, since I was still kinda messed up, and then, from behind the gate-thing I was sitting by, this cat comes over to me and meows and meows at me to pet him, totally cheering me up. It was the best thing ever, and this other cat came out too, though he kinda stayed back and wasn't as friendly. During the course of my petting the cat and giving him attention, my mom called and apologized and we made up, so everything was all good, and at that point, I decided to look at the cat's collar and find out the name of the adorable, wonderful, attention-seeking kitty that had brightened up my day and made me feel okay again.

And what do I see?

PETEY

...No, I am not joking. I of course concluded that the other, less-friendly cat must have been named "Natey," but I suppose I'll never know. :(

In any case, I continued to the mall and got pizza and See's candy. And then my mom picked me up and we got groceries and on the way home, I got to drive my dad's Mustang convertible, a Mustang convertible that I may ACTUALLY END UP GETTING. KAJSKDD

Long story made short about how spoiled and fortunate I am. )

As I drove home, I felt all badass and pretended I was Dean. <3333 Or Hughes, since, you know, I was riding a Mustang.

Oh, and I had the brilliant idea of making HEAAAAAAAAT OF THE MOMENTTTTTT my ringtone for my alarm to wake up in the morning. I will hate it as much as Sam by the end of things.

And I am slowly becoming a scary beast at Guitar Hero. Beat Slash on Expert and I'm at the second-to-last bracket on GHIII now, all of whose songs are... impossible. D: I do believe I will develop carpel tunnel and tendonitis at this rate, nngghhh WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF.
 
 
mood: hungry
music: Jimmy Eat World - Polaris
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
14 February 2008 @ 04:21 am
I have started school.

I have bought all my textbooks save for the one that was out of stock.

I have thus far kept up with my reading.

I have thus far arrived at my classes on time (pretty much).

I have done this all without a car, which called for greater time management.

I have been insanely active at [livejournal.com profile] damned for the first time in ages.

I have been keeping up with player posts.

I have been doing mod posts ICly and OOCly on time.

I have already set up Cid completely for the next shift.

I have somehow managed to squeeze in a couple of hours of talking to Court on the phone each night.

....

........WHO AM I AND WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH ERIN seriously I... am astounded.

I HOPE THIS CONTINUES ::CROSSES FINGERS:: I always start off strong and bomb in the middle of the semester gaawwwd

And now I need to shower and SLEEP.

alsoomgsupernaturaltomorrow<33333 AND I HAVE TRAIN TICKETS FOR SANTA BARBARA. A HA. TAKE THAT, MYSELF WHO CRASHED AT THE WORST TIME EVER.
 
 
mood: shocked
music: Switchfoot - Love is the Movement
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
10 December 2007 @ 07:24 am
"Aw, c'mon!" Dean griped, throwing an arm up. "I was crazy back when we drove to Illinois, right? Key word being drove."

"No, Dean, key word being
crazy."


Holy shit, passed the 10k mark on the djinnfic last night. HOLY SHIT. YES, AGAIN I REALIZE THAT NANO JUST HAPPENED but oh my god this is a big deal for me personally, especially considering I'm also drawing a ton too lately, and really practicing getting out of anime mode and into real-people mode, which I've been trying to do forever and finally have the chance to do now that I'm into live-action series.

In short: AHHH I'M ACTUALLY MAKING GOOD ON MY PERSONAL GOALS. And even though my attention is divided between this fic, another fic, a co-written fic, and fanart stuff, I am GETTING IT ALL DONE.

IS THIS THE WAY THINGS WORK FOR NORMAL PEOPLE AND I JUST NEVER KNEW? BECAUSE SERIOUSLY. IT'S AMAZING.

Why? Is it because I'm into new fandoms? Is it because my ADD meds are kicking in? WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S WORKING and I hope hope hope this wonderful productivity continues and carries on into other, more serious aspects of my life LIKE SCHOOL.

And now I sleep. I HAVE SUCH WEIRD HOURS.
 
 
music: Kill Hannah - I Wanna Be a Kennedy
mood: happy
 
 
Erin (La Cidiana)
06 November 2007 @ 02:14 pm
Having second thoughts about the whole animation thing.

After a couple of years, I don't think I've improved enough nor am motivated enough to realistically have a shot at getting into CalArts at any time soon, and meanwhile, I feel like I've been much more driven to write. (Then again, it could just be I want to write when I should be drawing, and I'll want to draw when I should be writing, etc, but who knows with these things.)

So, as I sit here and contemplate the courses I want to build credits towards to tell the SMC counselor on Thursday, I wonder if I should pursue a career for writing for screen and television instead. Being in the One-Hour Drama class was intimidating due to my lack of experience as compared to everyone else, but I'm also pretty damn sure I had one of the best ideas for an episode in there, and I feel like I have a knack for that kind of thing--coming up with ideas and having a solid grasp on characterization and keeping with the tone of a show, which is something that a surprising amount of seasoned adults in that class had a really hard time with.

There's another thing I have with writing that I don't have with drawing: Confidence in myself. Over the years, I've become pretty confident about my abilities as a writer, enough that I feel even the slightest chance of getting into a writer's program would be worth trying out, whereas with drawing, I tend to put myself down and have the lowest possible expectations of myself, since I feel I don't produce much. On a practical level, I also think I feel the effects of my ADD medication much more clearly in regards to my writing rather than my drawing, and that's something I really need to consider and put emphasis on for my morale's sake, even if I'm just imagining the difference.

So, what do you guys think, and what do you guys advise? If I'm going to be looking at schools for cinema rather than animation, I'm not so well-versed about which places are considered "good" in that field, though I know nearby USC had a well-known film program, and they seem to have a really exclusive undergraduate program specifically for writing for television, though it's so exclusive that it's uh... scary, if cool-looking. D: I also know USC has really good internship programs overall, which is important.

Anyway, at a proverbial crossroads here and I need some guidance from youz ppl. :X

(ALSO THIS IS ALL ASSUMING THAT STRIKE ENDS SOMEDAY???)
 
 
music: Triumph - Fight the Good Fight
mood: contemplative