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reloading... it's like a resolution.
New Years, which is supposed to be compromised of fun and craziness, ceases to be so joyful when one feels obligated to stay at home with their parents because they receive the general aura of "you've been spending too much time at your friend's house which means that you don't love us enough." This feeling of begrudgefulness is only further kicked in when your mother sees how glum you look as the New Year's ball falls in Time's Square and declares that you are not having fun because "she doesn't want to be with us."
Well, yeah, I don't really, when all we end up doing is sitting on our asses and watching Law & Order: SVU. I mean, I love Law & Order and everything, but... Couldn't we have played a board game or something? Not that I was talkative enough to suggest anything...
On one hand, I feel guilty because I'm fortunate enough to have a family that cares enough to want me around them and who showers me with love and material goods and I take all that for granted, but on the other, I really fucking wish my mom didn't make everything so goddamn personal. Everything I do seems to be an attack on her. Like today, she started yelling at me because two of her credit cards had gone missing and she suspected me of not putting the AmEx back where it was supposed to be... After much yelling and crying and turmoil, I looked through her wallet again and found it, but of course, I hadn't put it back in the exact right place and blah blah blah so then I tell her she doesn't have to take me to In 'N' Out because I KNOW she'll get even more irritated but she still yells and yells and augh. She expects me to read her mind and when I can't, I feel like I'm not a good enough daughter or something.
Eh. Stupid, trivial teen angst.
Happy New Year's everyone, although mine feels a bit empty.
In other news, my resolution is to eat healthier and exercise more via DDR. I think it'll be easier to keep to the latter.
Well, yeah, I don't really, when all we end up doing is sitting on our asses and watching Law & Order: SVU. I mean, I love Law & Order and everything, but... Couldn't we have played a board game or something? Not that I was talkative enough to suggest anything...
On one hand, I feel guilty because I'm fortunate enough to have a family that cares enough to want me around them and who showers me with love and material goods and I take all that for granted, but on the other, I really fucking wish my mom didn't make everything so goddamn personal. Everything I do seems to be an attack on her. Like today, she started yelling at me because two of her credit cards had gone missing and she suspected me of not putting the AmEx back where it was supposed to be... After much yelling and crying and turmoil, I looked through her wallet again and found it, but of course, I hadn't put it back in the exact right place and blah blah blah so then I tell her she doesn't have to take me to In 'N' Out because I KNOW she'll get even more irritated but she still yells and yells and augh. She expects me to read her mind and when I can't, I feel like I'm not a good enough daughter or something.
Eh. Stupid, trivial teen angst.
Happy New Year's everyone, although mine feels a bit empty.
In other news, my resolution is to eat healthier and exercise more via DDR. I think it'll be easier to keep to the latter.
no subject
no subject
new years
oh well. happy new year anyway.